Angel Cruz’s Quest for the Holy Grail: Toilet Paper

Angel Cruzs Quest for the Holy Grail: Toilet Paper

Angel Cruz, Entertainment Editor

For obvious reasons, the guys’ bathrooms needs toilet paper, but for some odd reason, we don’t have any. I don’t know if this is a problem for the girls, but it’s a serious problem for all us guys. Now the way I look at it, you have three options: the third I found out on February 8th, leading to a disastrous, yet funny, situation. The first option is you simply just don’t go to the bathroom, but when you have to go you have to go, so good luck with that. The second option consists of you running through the school, about to crap your pants, looking for toilet paper in one of the stalls scattered around the campus. The third option may not be for any goody-two-shoes. The reason being, you’re going to have to sneak into the men’s faculty bathroom.

Option #3 is were my story begins. The morning of February 8th, before school starts, I’m hanging with friends and my mind triggers, “It’s time to go!” So, like a normal human being, I head to the restroom just to be disappointed that none of the stalls have toilet paper. Okay, Okay that’s understandable; sometimes the stalls run out, it’s fine. Head to the second restroom, same thing. YA…NO THAT’S FINE. On to the third… empty. FACEPALM.

Fueled by rage, I head down to the bottom 200 and swing open the door to the men’s faculty bathroom. (I would kick it down if I could) SPEECHLESS. That bathroom is the most beautiful in the entire school. Needless to say, I did my thing, washed my hands with a working sink and even SOAP! Soap. Let that “sink” in. (hahaha bathroom puns) I actually washed my hands! And with SOAP. Relieved, I walk out simply thinking, if a teach catches me I’d just complain about how it’s the only bathroom with toilet paper.

Rest of the day goes by like any other day until 5th period. I’m sitting in Mr. Chandler’s working on a project when my nose starts to run. This is pretty normal considering it’s flu season. Go up “Hey Chandler, got any tissues?” He said no but I could go to the bathroom and get some toilet paper and bring it back to the class. Once again I go to all the bathrooms in this school and guess what? No toilet paper. So once again option 3 comes popping in to my head.

Of course I didn’t want to fail the mission Mr. Chandler bestowed on me. So once again, I break into the forbidden bathroom just to get a basic human necessity. Once I’m in, I slip into the closest stall and try to take the entire roll but it’s #@!* BOLTED in. Really guys? Is this school so ghetto that we have to bolt down tissue paper that’s thinner than a single hair? So instead of taking the whole roll I just start spinning that bad boy to get a good amount. As I’m spinning I hear the door open up; I instantly freeze. Like I said, this bathroom is forbidden and the punishment is probably more than a simple talk with a teacher. So I hear this guy pee out a water fall, open the stall, NOT WASH HIS HANDS, and walk out. “Sweet!” I think, but I thought too soon…. a loud “CLICK”. No, no, no ,no, no, no,  no, no!!!!! I’m locked in the bathroom.

At this point I feel like I’m in sitcom. Instantly I whip out my phone and see who I can call for help. Going through my contacts, AH Annie can help me! She’s in Chandler’s class too. I hit her up, explain my situation and she just won’t stop laughing at me. I’m like ” ya, ya, ya whatever just tell Chandler so he can bust me out!” And guess what she tells me…. “No I’m not going to tell him. That’s embarrassing.”  What a great friend Annie is, am I right?

After a while Annie call back and tells me Roberto told Mr. Chandler. His response? “He shouldn’t have gone in there. He got himself in, he can get him self out.”   Thanks Chandler.

With no hope left, phone about to die, I’m really hungry, I don’t know how much longer I can go on. One more check on my phone; I posted a snapchat requesting help but no response. This is where I die. I have one more chance to contact some one. My phone’s at 6 percent, I need to make it fast.

Search through contacts one more time, Nora, I’ll call Nora. It starts ringing and with every individual ring, my heart goes faster and faster. I start to get worried, only 4 percent left. Nora finally picks up and I explain everything as fast as I can. Thankfully Nora was out of class at the time and she rushed over to the other side of the door at the bathroom. “Angel you in there?”

“Where else would I be Nora?”

“Hey don’t get sassy with me I can still walk away. What should I do?”

“Go get Ms. Lange.”

Nora heads to Ms. Lange’s with the phone still on. “Ms. Lange, Angel’s an idiot.”

Now that’s understandable coming from Nora but then Ms. Lange replies with, “Ya what’s new?”

At that point, my phone died. Maybe that’s a good thing. A couple minutes later I hear voices and the door unlock. Finally! Fresh air.

Head back to Chandler’s room with the tissue in hand and walk through the door. Everyone is looking at me. People start laughing and I start laughing too. It was a hilarious moment no doubt about it, but none this would have happened if we just had some toilet paper restocked every once in awhile.

Let’s stop more people from the suffering I had to go through.  Let’s have toilet paper for all. Good night and God bless America.

Editor’s Note: We locked Mr. Kidd in the same bathroom and he got out in 5 seconds – by unlocking it from the inside.  Hence, Ms. Lange will not detract her assessment of Angel Cruz.